What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
