how can u be prego again
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
