he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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