so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
