guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
