he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
