This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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