My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
