did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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