I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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