you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
