When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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