I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
