insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
