I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
