Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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