I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize