it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize