oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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