i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
