Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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