Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
