It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
