my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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