whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
