needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
