my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
