New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
