i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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