Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
