dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
