guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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