Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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