Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
