i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
