I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
