Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
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