Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
try to milk me bitch
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