I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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