i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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