You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
