he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize