I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
