redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
