so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize