I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
