"it" just moved
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
