i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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