The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
