a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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