I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
