So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
