I'm so fucking centered right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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