Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
