anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
