Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
