YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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