sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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