was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
