I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
nutella sex= disaster
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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