she kept yelling 'call me bella'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize