gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
