If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
