can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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