Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
