you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
