Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
